BREAKING: Bouillon Cubes Found in Fort Knox Bullion Depository.
Lorna Blotfarrow is a reporter for Inside of Business Magazine. She covers scandals, cash cows, business news, and whatever fallout is still happening from the U.S invasion of Iraq.
Here’s the latest:
The U.S. Department of the Treasury went into lockdown this morning after it discovered that the Fort Knox Bullion Depository was full of bouillon cubes instead of actual gold.
This Thursday morning, U.S Mint Police Chief, Lambrock Tourné, opened the Bullion Depository in Fort Knox only to find bouillon cubes instead of the U.S gold reserve. Tourné immediately reported his findings to the U.S. Treasury who have now shut down their office in Washington D.C. “No one in, no one out,” said Deputy Secretary of the Treasury, Michael Faulkendern. It’s been 3 hours since the lockdown was announced, and members have already reported poor conditions: “The A.C isn’t set to my liking,” one employee complained. Another employee expressed shock at the news of the lockdown itself: “I’ll be honest…I don’t always read the memos they send out.”
The United States Buillon Depository holds 147.3 million troy ounces of gold, said to be the biggest gold reserve in the world. The vault itself is protected by the U.S Mint Police and overseen by the United States Department of the Treasury. It can only be accessed by very few authorized personnel, leaving investigators puzzled at the swap.
Inside of Business Magazine reached out to Scott Bessent, Secretary of the Treasury. This is what he had to say: “Bouillon like soup? What the hell?”
We also reached out to former Secretary Steven Mnuchin, who had this to say on the matter: “I (expletive) knew it.”
Treasury Chief of Staff, Dan Katz, expressed deep concern for the U.S economy in a written email sent out to employees and press across the nation: “I’m not really sure how this happened. And I don’t quite know what this means for the U.S economy.”
This news follows an enormous blunder made by an intern within the Bureau of Engraving and Printing just one month ago. The intern printed 700,000 $5 bills with the Seguin Chestnut in place of President Abraham Lincoln. “I’m just really beguiled by the quiet humility of the Seguin Chestnut.” The Bureau immediately let go of the intern and burned its stock of 700,000 Chestnut bills.
Bessent has called upon the FBI and the CIA in Washington D.C to help investigate the bizarre soup-troversy. Clampine Rogerfield, Editor in Chief of U.S Economy Magazine, tweeted, “Someone please check the Stock Exchange.”
This is a developing story.