BREAKING: FOMC Blows First Ever Interest Reveal Party, Powell Admits “We Forgot to Decide”
By Lorna Blotfarrow / July 9, 2025
WASHINGTON D.C—The Eccles Building hummed with confusion this morning as FOMC Officials gathered to celebrate the Fed’s first ever Interest Rate Reveal Party, with nothing to actually reveal.
Following reports on increasingly apparent schisms within the FOMC, the Federal Reserve indicated plans in early June to host its first ever “Interest Rate Reveal Party”, inspired by the fete of families expecting children. The aim of the event was to finally demystify the Fed’s eagerly awaited decisions on when rate cuts would be happening. As all 19 members filed into the venue, one thing became clear: no one had actually decided on rates.
“We spent so much time planning the damn party”, explains Fed Chair, Jerome Powell, “we genuinely forgot to vote on the rates.”
“By the time [New York Fed President] John Williams entered the room, we realized no one brought a cake. Which actually meant there was no cake to bring”, said Virginia Fed President, Tom Barkin.
News of the party was inititally postured as an exciting culmination to months of uncertainty begotten from a whiplash of tariff news and a vulnerable labor market. The failure of today’s celebration is likely to provoke further criticism towards Powell, whose position as Fed Chair has already been called into question by the President of the United States.
We spoke to one of Powell’s potential successors, current Secretary of the Treasury, Scott Bessent, regarding the issue: “I can’t talk about it. I’ll speak from a place of hurt. Where the hell was my invitation to the party, Jay?”